The Last Goodbye

-Nah, it’s silly!

-Ah go on, the voice said!

I pressed the buzzer for the number 9 and waited a couple of seconds for the familiar sound but the glass door didn’t open. As I was about to turn around, an old lady opened the building door to get out. She gave me a quick scan and must have decided that I wasn’t a threat, so she held the door open for me. I casually thanked her, while pretending to be talking on the phone and walked straight to the elevator.

On the way up, of what it seems to be the slowest elevator in the world, I recalled the last time I was here. It was the 25^th of December 2017, Christmas day. I was excited to get on this same lift, to see that red tick door crack open and a familiar face greet me, followed by the most warming hug I have ever known, that hug that tells me I am safe, that this is what home feels like.  

The lift finally arrived to the 9^th floor and had now stopped. I got out to a dark corridor, the light turned on and I faced the door. I rehearsed what I was going to say and feeling confident about it I finally pressed the bell. No steps or voices animated the interior, no one came to open the door. I expected it that way, after all, you no longer live there and apparently no one else has moved in yet.     

The corridor light went off and I stayed there in the dark, looking through the peephole from which I couldn’t see a thing. I sat down on the steps just beside the door that lead to the top floor, tears rolling down my face. I cried with the realisation that that door would never open again, that I would never find that hug, that warm voice, that smiley face that had been there for me all these years. 

The memories of the moments I passed in this house with you, the games we played when I was a child, your guidance when I was a teenager, the conversations we had when I struggled with relationships, with college, with work and later over the last few years how I could only hold you in your fragility and how painful it was to see your existence slowly fading, slowly leaving us. 

But one thing is sure, your hugs never changed, and I will always remember our last one, the Christmas day after we said our goodbyes, as I was walking towards the lift crying I felt the urge to come back to give you one last hug. You were crying too when you saw me returning, and I guess somehow, on that moment we both knew this was going to be our last embrace.

The corridor light turned on as if activated by movement. I placed my hand on your door and said thank you, thank you for all that you were, for all that you gave me, for being there, thank you for all your Love.  Then I stepped on the lift and moved to my spot, my little corner, which you always reminded me when I was a kid that I use to say ‘o meu cantinho’- my little corner.

From today onwards, you will live in the little corner of my heart and that is where my safe place is, that is home.

Emigrant from where?

There's so much going on about emigrants these days that i sometimes forget that i am one. Although I never feel like putting myself into a basket, box or container of some sorts. The only bucket i know is the list of wonders that I would like to see in the world. 

Emigrant from where they ask? 

What does that matter?  We are all human, we are all from the earth (apart from some alien conspiracies). We live in one planet. Who owns it? No one, no one owns the land, no one owns the water, no one owns the forests. No one is above any human being or animal. We are one… we have always been, we will always be. 

The sense of separation and duality is just that, an illusion. The same way video games are an illusion. You may want to believe that your truth is above someone else’s but if that truth is based in the concept of separation you are biased and anyone who accepts this as ultimate fact is a separatist and to a certain extent an extremist.

We are told to behave more humanly, to care about each other, to truly see, feel and believe that anyone matters. But behaving humanly or even humanely (we treated our slaves with compassion?!!..) also means to act with jealousy, selfishness, to be fearful, inflexible and ultimately dualistic. 

What if you started behaving more like the soul, in the little glimpses it gives you? How can you do this? Attune with yourself, meditate, go beyond the veils of illusion that keep you trapped in a society where you are brainwashed to hate and protect your own ignorance and little corner of the earth. 

We are all Emigrants, we are all souls. What we call life is just a passage and during the time we are here we all belong. I Am You, You are me, We are One.

 

When was the last time..?

The other day we went to see the dinosaurs, real fossils of dinosaurs, a fantastic exhibition in Genève. While the kids run freely in the museum, the moment we came out the door and before we even reached the car, they were asking dad to play with his phone.

My mind was still immersed in that world, wondering about the dinosaur’s habitat, their lives and consequent extinction so I was shocked with the realisation that they had already disconnected from what they had seen. It made me think of the example we are giving to children when we are constantly checking our phones.

These days if you don’t have a virtual self it is as if you don’t exist. And when you do have it, this doppelganger takes over and you start living life through lenses; where a barrier between ‘you’ and ‘you’ is erected.

 The ‘real’ you and the you that is virtually projected, create a duality of experiences, a detachment from the act of experiencing.

Smartphones, laptops and tablets with the consequent links to the social media make us experience the events as a 3^rd party. While the physical self is in robot mode, the virtual self is engaged in reporting the interaction between the two. 

The human side seems to have lost its ability to move us, we are stimulated by constant external visuals and words coming out of screens that so we turned dull.

When we stop engaging with the physical nature we become mere machines, functioning while connected to the plug or while the battery lasts but apathetic when the devices are turned off.

We have become artificially intelligent as we live longer in the virtual world than out in nature. 

We are imprisoned by boxes with screens, in the office, at home, in the public transportation, while having dinner with friends. The little or big screens are always present, remind us that we can be somewhere else rather than here.  We are overusing these devices, they are numbing our senses, killing our creativity and making us socially anxious for likes. The human connection seems to have lost its priority in the world. 

We are so afraid of A.I. that we, ourselves are become it, mere robots with insensitive bodies and minds, constantly searching for excitement. Internet has turned into the most addictive drug! 

What’s more important, experiencing life or reporting it? When was the last time you sat by a tree without pulling your phone out of your pocket? When was the last time that you truly engaged with what's around you? When was the last time you truly looked into someone's eyes? 

Living in the moment

Live in the moment they say, you should pay attention to the now. So many people are using this approach to live mindlessly, recklessly and disrespectfully. Surely being in the moment doesn’t help when you are planning your yearly holidays. You will have to consult the calendar and check the dates. It also doesn’t help you when you carelessly book a week holidays with the kids on the week of your partner’s fortieth birthday.  Yet when confronted with your lack of attention you say: ‘I am living in the moment’.

Some use ‘The living in the moment’ approach to excuse their annoying behaviour by making sure they speak the loudest when at a restaurant to the point that the others around them can’t have a conversation.  And unless you are a baby, If you are screaming your eyeballs when someone is sitting in meditation beside you, you can say that you are ‘Living in the now’ but that doesn’t make you less of an asshole.

If your self-absorbed identity tells you that you should do whatever the hell you want while disrespecting others you have certainly misinterpreted the concept of ‘Living in the now’.  

All this for me even if it can be seen as ‘Living in the moment’, it denotes lack of respect and empathy and I don’t see it as something to brag about.  

To ‘Living in the moment’, I would add - mindfully. Live in the moment mindfully. Mindful of the impact you have on others and empathetic to what’s around you. We don’t live isolated, we are communities of individuals with different needs, wants and desires. Respect should always be present.    

'Living in the now' is being in the moment, consciously, being present in every action, paying attention to what’s happening to you, others and environment. It doesn’t excuse you from disrespectful behaviour and selfish motives in detriment of the needs of others. Living in the now is being present and in harmony with the inner self, nature and the world. 

Stop oppressing us, we will never give up, we will never stop fighting!

The path has been rough and long, we have stayed up when sleeping alone at hotels, fight or flight mode on when walking alone at night, high alert and aware in public transportation and when travelling alone.

 We have the guard on to ensure that ourselves, our sisters, daughters, mum’s, friends and even total strangers rights as women are being respected. Stop oppressing us, we will never give up, we will never stop fighting! Society will only reach balance when we are seen, accepted, respected and valued as equals, nothing less, nothing more. Until that moment comes we will stand together and fight.

 Our strength can be tougher than our looks, solider than the kind personalities you see and you know by now that you can never underestimate us as we can be caring, gentle, understanding and sweet but we are also warriors, we are determined, courageous, daring and persistent as you’ve experienced through History.

 We are here to stay, stop oppressing us, we aren’t against you, we are all on the same side, we are One! 

  

We are all Trump

Secretly or not as secretly, don’t we all want to know the answer to the ultimate question: ‘What’s life all about?’

What makes it a fascinating topic is that no matter how many complicated theories are put forward, no one was yet able to prove it in scientific terms, even if many raised above us with authority and confidence and said: ‘I know it, follow me as all the others are wrong.’ We are all here as participants and some as mere observers of life’s game, ‘Yes’, you included religious leaders, politicians, mums and dads.

What we were taught to believe for two thousand years (and possibly for our whole existence until now) has made us bitter, created numerous wars, massacres, persecutions, bomb attacks, racism, xenophobia, and all sorts of bigotries against one another.

The idea of separation is present in people’s hearts whether they are religious or atheists. Religion is not what leads to separation and hatred in the world; what causes this is the lack of Love, compassion and empathy. It is me or us against you or them, the stronger against the weaker. The insensitivity to the constant attacks on Human rights is shocking and unless it affects one of ‘our clan’ members we seem desensitised and aren’t too bothered to do anything about it. Some of us will go protesting, others will sign a petition, others will sit on the couch watching comedies.

Greed is growing and with it the culture of superficiality, we all live outside of ourselves and the longer we stay there the harder it is to find the way back in, to the heart, to living in harmony with nature, animals, plants and one another.

'Where have we all gone so wrong? When have we first decide that some are worthier than others?'

What truly causes the disconnection, the fear, the hatred, is what we choose to carry in our hearts. The lower grade energies that make us feel awful, the negative self-talking, the fear of not being good enough. These are the conditionings that we have chosen to accept and consciously or unconsciously this is what we project into the world. If you really want to change the world you need to start projecting beauty into it (love, compassion, joy, inspiration) but you can only do this if internally that is who you are. It all starts within!

As much as you may want to blame the ‘Trumps’ out there for the misery, remember that Trump is merely projecting his darkness into the world as he has probably fallen out of love for himself. We are all Trump, to one extent or another, we can all be bitter, selfish and act in a separatist way due to fear, lack of knowledge, lack of empathy, misunderstanding..etc. 

You can only ‘fight it’ by raising your vibration. Like Gandhi said ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world’, it doesn’t happen the other way around. He also said: “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” Making a mistake doesn't make you unworthy, just learn from it and clean it up.       

Try living from the heart, it could be the shift needed to suddenly make sense of it all. 

Cultivate the inner garden and before you know it the garden has bloomed and project it into the world! One day, there will be a garden with so many amazing and colourful flowers, trees, plants and scents that celebrate diversity and at the same time incredible union, harmony and oneness. We all share this same garden- it's called earth! I AM YOU   

How do you do it, how do you come up after hitting rock bottom?

Winter is hard, SAD kicks in and changes my whole dynamic and plans. There are moments I feel like disappearing, instants when I don’t see the point in dragging the human existence but then I remember about the people who love me and I feel guilty for ever thinking that way (which surely doesn’t help either). SAD makes you go on a roller-coaster of emotions through the day. As a therapist one imagines: ‘that shouldn’t happen to you, you should have it under control’, I hear this jugging voice in my head. When it hits rock bottom I spend my free time watching inspiring talks one after another Abraham-Hicks is by far my favourite as it touches the wounds and makes them heal with a little smile.

The Soul is tormented I hear people saying. The soul is not tormented, the personality (ego/self-identification) is tormented. If you can sense the soul all the torment will gradually disappear. Once you connect with the infinite beauty, love and perfection that your soul is, the tormenting will cease. I am not saying that you will feel numb or that you will be somehow hypnotised and won’t experience any pain but you will acknowledge the pain in a different way when you don’t attach your sense of self to it and don’t allow it to define you.

There is a difference in experiencing the pain as something that it is happening and being the pain and feeling unworthy, unloved or desperate because you identify with it so much that can’t understand that the pain isn't you, you aren’t the pain, you aren’t your physical, mental and emotional states, you only experience these. You are the soul.    

How do you do it, how do you come up after hitting rock bottom?

Do things that will help you get up the scale of feelings. If you are feeling sad look around you and find at least one thing in your life that you are grateful for. If this is already a lot of work stay there and maybe think about other things that you are grateful for, then gradually come up the scale to feeling optimistic…and up to feeling joyful, free, empowered.   

Meditate, practice yoga, surround yourself with things that inspire you (plants, books, people). Go outside, walk in nature, swim in the ocean, call your friends, gather your crew for a cup of tea, try something different, cuddle your pet, tell a loved one how much they mean to you.  

©